Kirk is clean and English is done, done done!

I am a bit frustrated though. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Anytime something goes wrong, I feel like I need to fix it, and it's almost like I'm not allowed to get excited about anything. I had this weekend planned to go to the beach with my boyfriend, and he had wanted to go, and I wanted to go, so we set it up at a time when we didn't have school to worry about specifically because he didn't want to worry about school while on vacation. So, we set it up for the only weekend that works for us, pretty much, and then today I get a call and "It's going to be raining the whole time we're there." And, it is going to be cloudy that Saturday and raining that Sunday apparently, if the forecast is right. It's like nothing can ever go right and I'm not allowed to not be stressed out a lot. On the one hand, I'm annoyed for it even being mentioned; there's nothing we can do about it so why make me stressed out about it on top of it? On the other hand, there's nothing to be annoyed about. Why can't someone mention it to me without it turning into me shooting the messenger?

Blarg.

To Do:

Pack for the beach
Pick up the cooler
Shop for the beach
Sort some laundry
Start the story <-Oh yes, that's right. Aside from my blog, I'm going to outline and begin that story that was my New Year's resolution. It'll probably get put on hold once classes start, though.

Okay! It is Tuesday, so where do I stand?

Obviously, Mother's Day is over.
Anthropology paper? Done and an A+.
English paper? It probably needs to be read over, but done.

Had a huge fight with my roommates. The most frustrating part is not the fight itself but how he conducted it. He was controlling and manipulative, not to mention condescending. I'm afraid I hurt her, but I didn't mean to, and if I did, it's only because he wouldn't let me finish my thoughts. Drama!

To do:
English Letter
French
Clean Kirk
Laundry
Sort Dresser Drawers

One Week Later...

And what have I accomplished?

Not much. I had work this week, which set me back a lot.

Also, PTK depressed me more thoroughly than I thought possible.

So, what am I getting done this week?

1. English Paper
2. English Letter
3. Anthropology Paper
4. 1,000 points in French
5. Mother's Day preparations

Boring, I know, but I will do it!

A Frustrating Day...

I didn't realize how frustrating it was until today. I did not wake up on time, but I am determined to do it tomorrow! In order to make this happen, I am about to do the following:

1. I will pour myself a glass of wine
2. I will get myself three bite size Snickers bars
3. I will grab my Humanity book, a clean towel, my moonlight path bubble bath, and a nice candle
4. The toilet seat will be transformed into a table with my glass of wine, chocolate, and studying (because I really need to study) and I will draw myself a bubble bath.
5. When I am thoroughly relaxed, I will go to sleep immediately because the combination of the bubble bath and the wine will make me drowsy, and if that doesn't work, the fuzzy pajamas should!

Oh yes. I am so classy.

I will wake up and be on my walk by 7:30 tomorrow morning!

Well...the week is not over. So I'm not a complete failure yet. But, so far, I have failed to eat breakfast entirely, and I didn't take a walk today. I think it might be simpler if I set my goal as "Following my schedule" but you know what? That seems too impossible. So I am going to re-define some things; instead of the meal cooking thing, my new goal is going to be waking up at 7:30. I will do it because I can!

In other news, got into a political fight over facebook. Yes, the guy was being entirely ignorant, and the girl who sprang to his defense was as well, but I probably should have just left it alone. Perhaps I need to get back on some forums to get my aggression out. I've been trying to avoid politics entirely, but I don't think I can keep that up.

Finally...something's been bugging me a little bit. My friend recently said, "You should just move here and go to school with me." And I wanted to do it. I really, really wanted to do it. I can't, first of all because I can't hold a job because of my illness, secondly because I'm moving in with my brother soon, and third...I've got a boyfriend. I never thought I'd let that be a factor in my education, but I realized that I'm only looking at schools in places that he would go to school. Is that wrong? My inner-feminist is rebelling. It's not just that "Oh a man is controlling me" (because he isn't at all; he doesn't really know any of this), it's that a small part of me is saying, there are no guarantees in life. What if we break up? What if he dies? Do I want to be in Texas, with no support system? I know a lot of this traces back to the divorce. It wasn't a good marriage and it's not a fun divorce (note to self: invent fun divorces; you will make a lot of money). I'm still a little scared that I feel this serious. I know, absolutely, that I want to marry this man, and that scares me. I think I'm a little crazy, cold, cruel, empty corner of the internet. Thankfully, no one reads this blog! So why post it? I have no idea. I'm an attention-ho somewhere deep inside I guess. Despite my fears, and my occasional irrational annoyance that he has never bought me flowers, he's wonderful and I'm lucky that we're both so in love with eachother. It's built on a solid foundation of friendship and that is as awesome as it gets.


To Do This Week:

1. Clean my room entirely <- Done!
2. Get my Anthropology project and homework done
3. Finalize my English portfolio
4. Eat breakfast and take a walk each day
5. Wake up at 7:30 am. No really, wake up.

Missions accomplished on most fronts! I finished my intern paper (I should edit it tomorrow, but I would say it's pretty much good to go). I got my Health homework done, entirely, with only two quizzes, one discussion, and one response until I'm done with the class forever. I've taken a walk each day and I cooked some yummy pierogies with meat sauce on Thursday. I still need to clean my room, so boo on me.

One thing I've discovered with Health: I really don't agree with the book in a lot of places. Some of the distinctions it makes are just plain wrong, and the wording is clumsy. The quizzes sometimes have questions that can't be found anywhere in the book or the discussions or basically any resources she gives us, and at one minute per question, sometimes you just have to guess based on knowledge you already have. It's annoying. Also, I don't agree with pretty much anyone politically. Kudos to me!

More on that subject, for English, we've been doing workshops and commenting on eachother's stories and you have to comment on each story pretty much. Two in particular annoyed me because they dealt with the subject of rape, plopped it into the story in order to be edgy (I think?), and exponentially decreased the quality of the stories in doing so. You can't just plunge into writing something like rape or abuse and assume it will improve your writing. You have to be really good at writing in order to not have that come across as cheesy and a desperate shock value ploy. I have seen it done once effectively in the entire class; these two made me cringe. But apparently, writing about such things badly is brave and bold. What do I know? I'm just a community college kid, like the rest of the class. Except for that one guy who quit his job in order to "make it" and is now taking a community college creative writing class because he didn't make it. Pro-tip: Make sure you're close to making it before you try to make it. This also goes for guys hitting on girls at bars.

To Do This Week:

1. Clean my room entirely
2. Get my Anthropology project and homework done
3. Finalize my English portfolio
4. Eat breakfast and take a walk each day
5. Cook one meal

Keeping Myself on Track!

That's my first priority, really. It's not that organizing is difficult; organizing is easy. It's that sticking to the organization is difficult. I am out of my parents' house, but even when I was in it, there was no set structure that made me keep to getting things done in an orderly manner, and I think I need that. So here it is, my blog babysitter. Let's hope it works!

To Do This Week:

1. Finish my intern paper
2. Finish all of my Health homework
3. Clean my room entirely
4. Take a walk each day
5. Cook one meal a week