Dear Internet: I Fail

Pretty consistently, internet. You know this because you are my partner in crime. Don't get me wrong; before you, I knew absolutely nothing like success. You have enabled me to do fancy things like research for school projects. That's pretty cool of you, internet. Pretty cool indeed.

But, when you are not fancifying my life, you are distracting me. But then, I'd be distracted anyway. And right now, I'm not failing at school as much as I am failing at the rest of life.

I'm failing to be a friend. I'm failing to be a sister/daughter/niece/cousin. I'm failing to be a girlfriend.

I have some big decisions to make. I need to make them soon, so I'm putting them off. I'm hoping that this trip to Alabama will bring me some clarity; maybe some time away, and actually away, will be good for me and help me sort this stuff out.

But maybe it's just more procrastination.

All I know is, if I'm going to do this thing, the sooner the better. So naturally, I procrastinate some more.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Yeah, I actually don't get the reference I made. Pathetic? Very!

But, there have been a lot of things going on. Life is topsy-turvy. I'm trying to figure things out, but in the meantime, I am trying to keep moving.

Moving moving moving.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...not crazy at all, I swear!

So this morning I went for a run. Well, it started out as a run, anyway. Less than one minute in, it became a walk. That's life, eh? But, I did walk...with sporadic bursts of running...for a whole hour. I was so proud of myself. There was a turtle involved, some scary grass, killer deer, and it was just a whole big thing. I think I'll do it tomorrow, too.

Soooooo...to do

1. Keep up the running
2. Clean the apartment, post-finals
3. Apply for the fall internship.
4. Weep when my application is rejected.

Gloomy and hopeless? I prefer to think of myself as a realist.

Free Time

What's that? I guess I have some, it's spring break and I'm kind of alone. I'll be with my sister a few days, so that's good, but I just don't know what to do with my time off. I can finish up my typing lessons, I guess, and get that out of the way; I can read ahead in literature. Study for science. Actually apply for college. I guess those would be good things.

1. Typing lessons - 9 & 10, and the final exam
2. Literature - Read far ahead; maybe everything. Prepare questions for anyone who may miss them on my week.
3. Study science
4. Apply to UMD.
5. Pack a bag for running to my sister's; buy a fun pancake shape?

Dropping the Ball

I have a ton to do, and I've been falling behind a little bit. Instead of working Friday, I enjoyed the beautiful weather by walking so much that I now find it hard to move. At least I probably shed about five pounds in the process! Slight exaggeration, I know, especially since my lovely fiancé went ahead and fattened me up last night. Ooh my tv might be gone tonight! It's a big monster of a thing that doesn't work anymore. It's far too heavy for me to get down the stairs, but I Craigslisted it under "Free" and someone should be picking it up...it's just taking him awhile to get here? I'm starting to worry that he won't come.

I have a million things listed on my big whiteboard, but I'm going to try and do this in baby steps. Itty bitty babysteps.

To Do Today:
Clean Living Room
Clean Bedroom
Recycling/Trash
Science Lab
Biology Homework
Literature Posting

To Do Tomorrow:
Literature Reading
Science Reading
Apply to 3 colleges

A Wonderful Anniversary

My gift from Andy...okay, not quite.

We went to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. All it cost was metro fare and parking in the lot; cool, eh? We had lunch at Sakura first. He teased me mercilessly about how I love the big stuffed elephant but the whale, which is the same size (read: HUGE) freaks me out. I can't help it. Whales are evil.


This guy was my favorite I think!


It was pretty awesome spending the day with Andy. We came home, ate pizza, watched tv, and I promptly fell asleep.

Though, this has led to a lapse in productivity. It was a "good" day, and the weather was perfect, etc. Should I have used it to get things done? Absolutely not.

So now it's a down day and I'm not really able to move or think very clearly. It happens. I kind of want to get a lot done, but I can't, so I'll just accept it as it is...a day to relax? I'm trying to at least get some schoolwork done.

Back again!

Long time no talk! I've been a little bit busy with school, but I've been bad, I know. I'm not getting much done.

Did I clean the apartment?
Sort of. I have a lot to go. I did call Danielle and take a bunch of my stuff from Mom's house.

I called my doctors. And that's about it from my list.

Don't get me wrong; I've gotten a lot of other things done! I just didn't get a lot of things done that I wanted to.

And how am I doing? Sick. Blarg. This is when I get all bogged down in depression. I miss my friends. I miss my family, esepcially my mom. Andy has been over a lot and that helps quite a bit. I'm also happy that he's getting along so well with my family; that kind of rocks.

My next big big project is the zen study space. I'd really like to focus on school a lot, especially while I've got a lot of sick time. This is my chance to build good housekeeping habits, too. I love my parents, a lot, but I kind of wish they had raised me to be a neatfreak. Apparently when I was little I was compulsive about putting things away, but I guess I outgrew it? I never outgrew the need, and it's distressing to live in a messy space now. That's going to have to wait a little bit, though.

Goals Through the Weekend:
Homework!
Clean Apartment (including the mountain of recycling!)
Short Story workshops
College Applications

Did I get anything done?
Yes! I took my teapot home and played some Wii.
Yeah...not even rockband was accomplished :(

But that's okay. I'm going to go ahead and make Monday's list too, since I need to go ahead and do that.

I also had a pretty good night again. I have an amazing partner in life. He is my everything, and he makes everything bad better somehow. I told him something that's been bothering me for weeks now and tonight I feel so much...lighter. More peaceful. What gives, awesome Andy?

Sunday:
Clean Apartment
Call Danielle
Church
Take stuff from Mom and Dad

By clean the apartment, I mean, IN THIS ORDER,

Catbox/Hall
Living Room - Couch, Table, Floor
Bedroom - Desk, Computer Stuff, Nightstands, Bed, Floor
Bathroom
Closet
Kitchen - Counters, Fill dishwasher, Handwash, Put away candlesticks!
Laundry

I like putting the kitchen last because I'm neurotic and want as much space between the catbox and that as I can have. Normally I save the catbox for last, but it really needs to be done.

Monday:
Call MC. Find out about payment.
Call Dr. G, Dr. D, and Dr. F. Ask them to start a rap group of some sort.
Start my World Lit Class! Right?
Create Zen study space. Perhaps IKEA on Tuesday for a TV stand?

Tuesday:
Ikea?
Prepare for class!
Library
Michael's - need some glass paint, and I want to work on those magnets.